Thursday, March 29, 2012

practicing last words


I've never seen the trees bloom this early before. I have to remind myself that it's still March, that we could still have snow for many weeks. (Of course, it would immediately melt on the warm ground, so my heart doesn't really care.)

This has been a winter and spring that I will never forget as long as I live. It's the year that I braced myself and winter just petered out before it ever really arrived. It's been a season of mercy and warmth and unusual freedom. It's been a little bit of heaven.

Being the pessimist that I am, my thoughts have turned to worries over global warming and possible dire consequences down the road. (Don't tease me, I've always been this way.) But even if that's the reality there's nothing wrong with enjoying the sun while it's bright in the sky. Even if this is the first rumblings before the world caves in, I'm content today. In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity at the precipice of possible calamity to tell you all that I love you, and to thank God for you and for this moment. It's really all we have when everything else goes dark.

Does that strike you as unnecessarily bleak or weird? It doesn't matter. I like living this way. It's good to practice dying so that you can truly live. What would you suddenly care about if you knew everything was unraveling around you? What would be more or less important to you? How would your priorities change?

Even if the world is going to last for another one hundred million years just as it is today, it's good to live with the challenge of these questions. It wakes me up to the loveliness and preciousness of the leaves budding on the trees and the deep goodness of the opportunities to love blooming all around me.  It helps me to practice my last words so that I say them well and say them out loud over and over and over again.

10 comments:

  1. I think like that too & i think it helps to appreciate all i have in this moment.
    Thanks for sharing. I'm still enjoying your writing as much as ever :).

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    1. i love it when you emerge to say hi and share your thoughts tina. thanks for the encouragement. it's nice to know i'm not the only one with a brain like this.

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  2. Wow Terri. These two blogs totally rock! They really made me think. That bee blog hit me right where I am. I have been trying (in the midst of grief and tears) to find good in my mess. I know that it is there. It has a lot to do with my perspective, and I keep crying to God for Him to help me see that. Your bee blog was a gentle reminder. Thanks for that.

    Your end of the world blog made me chuckle a little. God, that reminds me so much of myself it is scary. I am not making fun or teasing you. I promise. It was actually very enlightening. I love how you live Terri. I truly believe that you have an honest heart that strives to appreciate the people you love everyday. That is one lesson I learn from you over and over through your blogs. That part of who you are has changed my life as well. I am not as good at this as you are. But, I am much more aware of my surroundings from knowing (what little I do know) of you and your family.

    Speaking of your family......how is cowboy? Is he okay? I have not seen his squeezable little face lately. I hope he and Puk are okay.

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    1. Hey Tammy! Thanks for your kind words. I'm so glad my posts helped you to reframe some things and feel maybe a little less burdened. Most of the time when I write it's to challenge myself so I hope you don't think that I've got it all figured out. I struggle with these kinds of things just like everyone else. It's just that if I slow down and listen, sometimes God turns me around and shows me the things I've been missing.

      And cowboy and puk are doing great. Cowboy was having seizures a while back and he had lost a lot of weight, but we got him on some meds and he's back to his old naughty self again. I'll have to post a mugshot soon. :)

      Take care of you dear...

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  3. "It's good to practice dying so that you can truly live."
    wow. yes. I want to think about this everyday! My priorities probably would be a lot different if I knew the world was unraveling around me. I probably wouldn't go to work at Macy's, and that tells me something. probably spend a lot more time with my sister. thanks for pushing me to think about these things.

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    1. I'm actually pushing myself to think about these things. i'm glad you felt like this was helpful for you natalie. i'm inspired by your life and it means a lot to me to have you here thinking about these things with me.

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  4. Hey Terri. Where is Cowboy? I miss him. I sound demanding. Sorry. I am smiling though. I want to come to Minnesota so I can hug your puppies. My brother and his wife just bought a new dog. They got a salt-n-pepper mini-schnauzer. They have named him Gizmo. I went to see him the other day. He is so cute. (oh, and my niece and nephew were around there somewhere, too). I suppose they are cute too, but the dog won me over.

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    1. cowboy and puk can be found on my new post per your request. feel free to come and hug them anytime you happen to be in town.

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  5. This fall/winter/spring has been miraculous. God knew we needed it, Terri.
    I've noticed a lot of Minnesotans bracing themselves, not wanting to fully let themselves relax in the goodness that is here. I can't blame anyone for this~ I think it's survivor's instinct. Making it through the winters we've had takes a huge girding up of the loins. :)
    So yes, let us practice dying so we can truly live. I love this. You are so wise and so loved.

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    1. love to you dear. i know that as a native californian the last few seasons must have been so welcome. i wonder if transplants generally have it harder than died-in-the-wool minnesotans?

      it has been lovely. i'll try not to assume the worst about what's coming and just enjoy what is here right now. can't wait for coffee!

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